quah, r u angry abt the sam and geline thingy?

i think its ok to tell le

but i cant post it here

tell u tml k??



recording how?

sam's getting results soon

and no matter is she get wonderful or terrible grades

she'll b home bound =(



happie bday qian wen, jia hui and mr eddie koh =)



the hw list runs looonngg

teachers think 3 days are like forever



i realli realli dun wanna perform on opening ceremony

its distracting

and i hate the feeling of being forced to sing

i cant change anithing now but mr boh allows another girl to go up there wif mi

erm

so...

anione wanna b my best fren and go onstage wif mi?

pls

juz anione

im desperate



im russia's ambassador to austria

wahaha



augustine had the nu fa chong guan hair style today

wahaha

rahel's funni

VERY funni



sch is realli getting enjoyable

but the amt of works that piles up is killing mi

today's smart casual day

wahaha

everyone looked like they were either from secondary sch or from poly



it started raining onli when we stepped onstage

?!?!?!?!?

God's will

wahaha

but it was kinda fun to b on that so called stage

its so low i dun even feel like im onstage

the whole performance was so casual, i started forgetting that im performing and forgot my last line =P

wahaha

and a02 + piao + karin + lay kwan helped a lot alot wif all the screams and all =)

poor shiqi had to hold up the lyrics in one hand and the camera in the other WHILE she sing along

wahaha

thanx loads classmates + mr eddie koh =D



mr sars's performance was SHOCKING

wahaha

he's a great dancer =P



tml will b my death day

im supposed to stand in the very FRONT when we sing "GONG XI GONG XI" with the stupid dance steps during the j1 CNY concert

woo hoo

i cant wait

YA RITE



i didnt ans that qn



i can c that u care =)

but this is not the way to do things

running away realli isnt a solution

lets face it together kay?



we cant put recording off animore

sam's results will b released soon

after that, we wun b seeing much of her



its been so long i hear her laugh hysterically

wahaha

i miss you sam

gdness

hongmei has the same blogskin as mine

wahaha

its starting to get a little too melancholy

oh well

its time for a new skin =P

i hope it rains tml =S



PE was gd today

no running!

finalli it rained during mass pe

FINALLI



God helped mi thru a lot today

thank You =)



dinner was yummy today

siao lang keng ROX~



turn left turn rite

i thot i exaggerated abt how much the film moved mi

but then i found out

i didnt =)



i was lying on my bed in the dark, thinking

my phone rang

a message

it drove all the sleepiness out of mi

wat happened?

im worried

i cant ans that qn

i dunno how to b truthful

i dunno wat i realli want

dun force it out of mi

pls



y are u asking mi sth like that?

it freaked mi out realli

i wun ans ur qn

i cant

"xin nian kuai le (XIN NIAN KUAI LE!)"

wahaha

the he nian dui

geokie & shao ning & daunne & xiao ling & jun wei & wei yan & ling & mi took the van

wahaha

the process of travelling was fun =)

the BYEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEs and the measuring thingy

wahaha

fun =P



hw's not even touched yet =(

gg to try doing it now

pray for mi =P



pls

i wan my hifi by today

PLEASE!!

*pitter patter*

its raining hard

i love the music the rain makes

i love to snuggle in bed as i listen to the raindrops sing

i love to lie awake in the dark as memories flash in front of mi like a dream

i love to breathe in the cool misty air as my soft comforter warms mi

i love...

i enjoyed the singing session very much pemers

i can c every one of us putting in effort to sound good

trying very hard to improve

im sorri for the accusation that u dun try

i was wrong =)



yt u alrite?

we'll always be there for u to lend a ear

we'll always b there for u like u've been there for us

'for pem'



see hongy

thanx =)



sth's very wrong wif dex

my dear brother

always so patient and understanding?

not animore

scary how pple change

or mayb there's sth deeper in wat he's feeling

i wish to help

if u let mi =)



time for church

i have a lot to thank God for after the pem thingy =D

geok, ur last blog entry warmed my heart

ting, ur msgs touched mi

THANX SO MUCH =)



i re read wat i've blogged for the past few days

if its directed to mi

i would have blown my top

thank God you werent offended

i sounded so selfish

like im the onli one who's working to keep pem together

and i still had the guts to ask u guys to comprimise

i dun no wat came over mi

but thank God its all over

and im back to the smiley mi again, as geok would say



so

recordings anione?!?!

wahaha



i'll record "for pem" on my md and burn it into a cd for everyone

so u guys can learn it asap

then we can start recording =)

geline's frens were full of praise when they heard us, heard our songs

stardom watch out!

with the strength of five

with the strength of God

we can do all things

=D

i want to shout out loud to the whole wide world

that God gave mi the best frens on earth

that no matter how much i always complain abt them, cry over them, i still love them more than ever

pem and siao lang keng

forever



thank God

today

my brother threw a whole lot of sarcasm at mi

geok's unhappy over wat i stupidly blogged yesterday

geline's behaviour made mi thot pem's like her spare tire

i thot more about pem

mom complained abt mi not helping out with the spring cleaning

i kinda broke down

locked myself in the bathroom

cried



"i read juz b4 i saw ur msg...y din u say out ne? haix... mi decided to re write five as onele... back to five of us... if u tired tell mi k? from now on, all the rushing of recordings and gatherings leave to mi ba! rest a while first, Trust mi orh, i can do it de!"



"hehe... i love u lots too! hehe... dun worry, i will write out the best five as one lyrics u ever seen! relax and go back to the cheerful ying i noe ba! jia you orh! dun ever thank mi for all that orh, mi doin it for pem... haha.. cos mi also in it mah! dun wanna c my best singer fall sick due to overcrying orh!"



"haha... dun cry le huh... next time got prob muz say lah! silly girl! enjoy new year's eve orh!"



i thot i knew u so well

that i can predict ur reaction to my blog

i thot u will get angry

i was so wrong

ting thanx so much

this is the first time im glad that i dun noe u that well at all

u gave mi a big surprise

u gave mi the best new year's eve that i ever had

frens forever

five as one

=)

im

so

sorri



i realli wasnt thinking when i typed all that

i shld have known u din mean it to sound the way it is

i DO c the effort u put in to blend in

geline DO c the effort u put in

yenting DO c the effort u put in

and u dunno how grateful i am that u are willing to put up wif all this



i guess we shld realli have a talk

all the songs i wrote

i get so excited when i finish them

that i cant to let u guys hear it

i onli c geilne and ting everyday

so they got to hear it

i wanted so much to let u and sam hear them

but i dunno how...

yenting's the onli one whu reali encourages mi

comment on my songs without being too critiical

whenever i sing u my song

u look... expressionless

no response

nothing

then an ackward silence will follow

i tried to guess y u behaved this way everytime i sing u a song i wrote

"mayb u saw it as a form showing off?"

frm then on

i din dare to tell u i wrote more songs

in case i widen the gap btwn u and i



i noe there's a lot that we discuss or talk abt in front of u

that u have never heard b4

i tried to explain

but i fear that u will once again see this as a form of showing off

i fear that u will think mi as trying to tell u how much we have done without u

im not a good speaker

i dunno how to say it right

so i keep quiet

and pray hard that u can figure out wat we r saying on ur own



pls dun b mad at mi



there's so many thots that crossed my mind

so many decisions i have to make

i juz came out of the shower wif my eyes red

i yearn for sumone to listen to wat i have to say

im desperate to put all my feelings into words

but im not capable of it

the most i can do

is to transform my emotions into music

and hope that pem will pick up the hint of how miserable i am

thru the songs that i wrote



i noe im expecting too much

i noe im adding pressure into everyone's life

im under immense pressure too

im dying of it



how i wish God can talk to mi

tell mi wat i shld do

tell mi wat's rite and wat's wrong



mayb we shld all take a break

mayb pem's a mistake rite frm the start



will life b better if we juz break up?

i feel like the onli one trying to hold us all together

im tired of it



my patience is being stretched too far

if it snaps



i can almost picture myself singing onstage alone



pls

its time for all of u to comprimise too

it takes five to do it

pull mi back b4 i drift too far

its draining my energy too

but geok, are we realli a trap to tempt u to sin

its pretty hurtful to put it that way



i juz got off the phone with geline

she made mi realise im becoming numb

hard hearted

everything's abt myself

i haboured thots like getting out of pem

becos i was left out

becos i believed i can carve a singing career out of my own

yes, anione whu's reading this is free to despise mi

God teaches us to have love for others

wat u said on ur blog reflects wat i have been feeling b4 i talked to geline

i c u and i becoming machines

we talk about our love for God

but thats not all that we shld have

where's our love for the pple around us

for pem?

if pem's a trap to tempt us, there's always God to pull us back onto the rite track isnt it?

y do we need to worry?

does running away frm pem solve the problem?

if we truly love pemers, y do we onli care abt our faith in God but not THEIR faith in God?

its our responsibility to make sure they hear the complete gospel, but now, all we care abt is US US US



quah, im not saying this out of sacarsm or mockery

dun try to intepret this post in any other way

juz read it

and plainly try to understand

wat im trying to say



we all have problems

and we all noe that running away is not the problem

mayb its time to accept the new pem

to move on instead of continuing to live the past

everyone's changed

so have u and i

thanx lots see hongy, for the msg u left on my tag board =)

there's a lot more i have to thank u and shiqi for

u guys practicalli changed my life! =P

life in pj will b almost unbearable without u guys, together wif esther and qian wen

thanx loads =P



choir ROX

the performance was great =P

and the credit goes to every choir member that performed~



chinese class was fun

got to read a bit of jimmy's works

eddie koh had said that poets/artists come up with their best works at the very moment when they feel the strong sense of bursting emotions

every line jimmy wrote left a sense of depression in me that lingers

the part abt the little girl celebrating her bday alone

her birthday wishes become curses for her frens

because they forgot her bday

this section was so piercing

i shudder when i hear it



life is so unpredictable

far beyond our reach and control

the helplessness life throws us in makes us so desperate

we are forced to learn to suppress our feelings and accept the way life is



we studied the poem 'Truce'

its so me

maybe becos sch have juz started not long ago

in chinese class, we talk abt dreams and goals

in lit, we talk abt dreams and goals

even in CT class

we talk abt dreams and goals

mayb this is the cause of my pressure



geline surprised mi so much

i surprised myself so much

thru comparison,

im more her than mi

and she's more mi than her

now i understand

a problem shared is a problem halved

all i did was tell her my problems

now

its all solved

thanks to her

thanks to God =)

i realise i made lots of unfair accusations at pemers

i, too, have made the very same mistakes i blamed u for making

sorri =(

lets all learn to b better pple



i tried to contain my surprise and shock when eddie said he noes i write songs

its kinda weird to hear that being announced rite in front of the class



im tired of everything

mayb its easier for mi to stop fighting the crowd and juz blend in

but i'll nv let the happen

Never.

"PEM -- we're all stars"

it made mi smile like ^__________^ that when i saw this on ur blog

thanx so much best fren =)

u noe wat?

i cant recognise that pem that i noe too

i miss the days we went to tt bridge too

i miss walking along singpore river and singing with u guys too

i stil rmb we had swensens dere b4 we went to f4's concert too

i agree, time passes too fast

there were times i hoped u came to pj instead of jj bcos i hate to c u left out when u c us pj pp

becos i noe the feeling of being outside of the grp

becos i love u so much, i dun want to c u cry

geok ur last entry made my eyes water

i wish i was there to listen to ur troubles when u need mi

geline juz called mi to ask mi out for dinner

with ting, whu's already at her side

mayb it was my fault i didnt check if they were hanging out

but it didnt feel good to find out that they did go out after they've been out for hours

but still

im in no position to b mad

becos its juvenile

its immature

feeling left out is for kids

mature pple like pemers dun feel left out even when we fall behind frm each other's circle of frens and fade away

mature pple like us dun make a fuss out of small things like hurting pple's feelings and trampling other's pride

now u noe pemers

yes, i mind it

im a spoiled immature brat who cant get over stuff like being left out

i pretend i dun care

but i do



wat is wrong wif us

sth's there in between us

i tried to remove it

it wldnt budge

i slammed myself against it

with all the strength i cld summon

i end up wif bruises

in pain

i find out

it takes the strength of five

to smash that barrier to pieces



does nobody care abt pem animore?

[ 5 as 1 ]

i was so very worked up when u skipped up to mi and said u changed every single word of that song

no more 5 as 1

no more abt us

no more abt our dream

now it means a totalli different thing

abt two lovers together

how hard it is to maintain that relationship

have u nv thot of how hard it will b to keep this frenship?!?!

nv crossed ur mind that we have to work to keep it?

now im telling u

we HAVE to



sum pple laugh at this

im juz being dramatic is it?

have u noticed the change in mi

i no longer care

abt anything

no more rushes for recordings

no more prompts for u all to keep in contact wif geok and sam

im now a typical pemer who's made to think that nothings lasts in the world

not even friendship as strong as ours

but wait a minute

is our friendship strong to begin with?



i dun even dare to think abt how u guys will react to this post

im fearing that u will b angry

feel offended

not becos im afraid to offend u

but becos i can b sure now

that u r no longer the friend that i treasure so much

geok's entry jolted mi awake

i cant pretend nothing's happening animore

ur cruelty's scaring mi



i pray

if any of u reads this

RESPOND

lets have a huge fight over this

at least i'll get to hear wat u think

and tell u wat i think

instead of pretending that we dun care

choir practice today was a BLAST

the j1s are AMAZING

this girl called pei yan, formerly frm tennis, has a WONDERFUL voice

the fairfield guys are SO good

there's this girl called evelyn who were SO me that she reminded ME of myself

ms lim gave in and we'll have our CONCERT by the end of may

thank GOD

a LOT alot

:D



eddie koh's tut today made mi c singapore in a totalli diff way

its depressing to noe that pple in singapore were like that



the hist and maths tests were finalli over

YESSSS

kbox here i cum

happi birthdae (i put E instead of Y!~) tien tien!!

u mean old frog

wahaha :P



augustine cancelled hist tut today AGAIN!~



bk's still at reservist



the first words shiqi heard mi saying today b4 flag raising was nu fa chong guan

she laughed

wahaha...



mi told geline abt the you zha gui

she laughed hard lor!

which means yenting's too dumb to get the joke :P



10 sis, its been so long!

xinyan's kinda rite

we r getting further and further apart

but dun worry

we'll still stick together~ :)

wei tien + xinyan + chen yie + danielle + peishan +jasmine + huiting + mi! + ting + geok = 10 sis

rox big time~



i notice my face is so fair that if i'll look like a ghostly spirit in neoprints, all becos of the lighting



ting, u r the bestest :)

but besides kunda of cos

and also vaness

and my mom and dad and ... *rattles on*

wahaha

;)



2cians, im finalli gg to put up our neoprints taken on my bday on my blog so those whu wants them badly, namely jasmine ong, can go save and print them out on ur own~ heee :D



*yaaaawwn* TIRED~

sch ended at 5.30 today -____-''

the timetable planner should b arrested for child abuse



mi and shiqi were queueing up at the western food stall togeher wif mr khoo at the canteen today

we asked abt BK (naturalli) and mr kho told us bk used to WALK to sch

from YEW TEE to TECK WHYE k!

shiqi's immediate reaction was " wah, siao eh! he's so giam siap lor!"

mr khoo was kinda taken aback by the strong outburst

i guess he din reali noe how to react, he simple nodded and said "erm... yah"

i realli tried to control my laughter

but as usual

i failed.



si shi is a mei ni~!

WAHAHA



chinese lesson

we learnt nu fa chong guan

which means when one gets so angry, the energy rises up to his head and blows his hat away frm the head

*laughs loudly to myself*

GDNESS GRACIOUS

the chinese got gd imagination

seehong couldnt stop luffing at the you zha gui part

FRIED GHOST!~

WAHAHA...

and the bald emperor called guang di...

the siao lang keng lives up to its name~



universal love~



im a cao mugger + lamer



nitey nitez =)

all members of the siao lang keng are becoming nerds

wahaha...

it feels kinda nice to b a mugger

at least im doing sth :)



shiqi and i are the official controllers of low see hong's life :P



i finalli hit 160!

FINALLI

REJOICE ;)

and the weighing machine DIDNT explode

YESSSS



a lizard crawled out of esther's bad during gp today

esther was so freaked out

im supposed to b sympathetic

but I CLDNT HELP LUFFING

wahaha

it juz amused mi for sum reason

muz b shiqi's lameness rubbing off mi

but hey, thanx to the siao land keng, everything amuses mi wif extra ease

YES, it did make mi even crazier than usual

oh but watever

im happier now :)

three cheers to siao lang keng!~



sch's realli getting better

sigh

im now a full blown NERD

and i hope this LASTS

the Lord provides

we din do cross country for mass pe today :)

thank God



ting

dun b sad

five as one, remember?

u sad, we'll all feel the pain

so

work hard

for us

and for urself too :)

u can do it

WE can do it

six years later...

that'll b OUR DAY

PEM DAY

kay?

we'll b wif u till we get there :)

this time, my tears were of joy

and i noe all of u share my joy

u thanked mi?

i thank YOU :D



sch is becoming bearable thanks to siao lang keng :)



i c God in my life



nite~

heeeyy

mi at the sch library now, while the econs pple r hard at work~

*evil laugh*

sighs

if not for the stupid history tutorial, i would have been on my way home already

SIAN

still got choir later summore

argh, the holidays ended too soon



oh btw, bk's still our maths tutor!!!!!

but he'll onli take us on tuesday becos he's on RESERVIST

CAN U BELIEVE IT

BK THE SOLDIER

WAHAHAHA

:P

*yawn* im tired

but my hair's still wet frm my shower so i cant go to slp

-______- SLEEPY



juz got back frm geline's

had a singing (and screaming) session wif pem ; )

"YOU R MY SUPERSTAR!!!"

sam wasnt there tho :(

geline says she likes my new song :)

im naming it 'For Pem'



geok's back to the person i noe

i guess it takes the power of pem to summon her laughter and screams

watever it is, mi's super glad she's still wif us



jamie, i misssss Y-O-U

maths - bk = life - fun - jamie - karin - astro

= UGH



a sense of impending doom came over mi when i thot of sch

i would have gone mad wif all the stress without God

gotta start studying now

pray hard for mi



thanx sh, for the msg in my tag board

u dunno how much it means to mi :)

my next song's gg to b abt siao lang keng :P

cos u guys means, as much as pem, to mi

heeeeeee :P

it wasnt a big surprise to c mummy busy wif housework

but she was crying while she do it

Hard

God said to have a love for others

she shed tears for dee2

she cried for my hamster

it looked so lonely

so trapped

she cried for that

i love my mom

she brought mi to church when i was a toddler

she did it out of love

and now

she's crying for a hamster

i love my mom

for she has love for everyone

i love her.

oh man

im crying

during sermon

i sat alone

after sermon

i headed for her

she faced her back at mi

and it stayed that way

thruout

"she's more serious and quiet now"

indeed

towards us that is

she's still the girl i used to noe

when she's wif the others

but wif mi

wif us

she's so silent

its ackward

it feels like

we're waiting for a lecture frm a teacher

an elder

away frm us

"why?"

i asked myself

i cldnt find the ans

but whu can i blame?

i didnt initiate either

pride stands btwn us



after sermon

we played games

the pastor said

unity is essential

juz like in life

unity is essential

in every family

when sumone gets hurt

the others suffer too

the qn runs in my head

"wat abt pem?"

when sam is hurt

she cried

we gossiped abt her and made things worst

no apology

shifted the blame

to her

no repentance

she took the blame for sth she didnt do

when geok was oushed further and further away

due to circumstances

we HECKED

life goes on

without her

its not her fault

but we juz took it as it is

for conveniece

to protect ourselves

how pretentious we r

show the world that we r best frens

soul mates

sisters

but we hurt each other

without hurting ourselves

so r we as one?

five as one

mayb not

i cried

once

twice

trice

or mayb even more

in church today

touched by God

disappointed in pem

but still

i have faith

not in pem

but in God

that He can change us

i believe

i noe

that every pemer still care

we do love

but we dun noe how to do it rite

let God teach us

Amen.



my frens

dun b offended

no more quarrels

enough

we r one

dun u feel the pain when u snap at mi?

c mi sad?

c me sick?

i feel it

when sam cries

when geok shed tears

i cry

i feel their pain

if u think mi as a show off by saying that

a bhb wif thick skin

i wasted my love on u

but i noe u wun

my frens

i noe u suffered too

when geok cries

when sam cries

but pride gets in the way

dun let it cum btwn us

pls

bcos its not worth it

i would give up all my wealth

if it could save u

go onto the streets

to beg

if it could save u

i noe when time is critical

u will do it for mi

too

i noe

but its up to u

if u wan to admit it



"without ur love, i muz go out to the streets"

april

pem

在我心里唱着

一首最美的歌

那旋律是你编造的



pem

当我们还笑着

世界却都变了

把他的单纯笑容通通夺走了



*

天天在我身边首着

遇见你仿佛天都亮了

爱算什么

我痛苦时只有你陪着

唱着

夜夜梦见他的笑容

他却不曾真正的爱过

我梦醒了

只听见你们的歌在我心里哼着



pem

听听我着首歌

是为你而唱的

安抚你

在你流泪伤心那一刻



*

1st day of sch~ TIRED :P

no bk for maths tut :( ms wong's realli nice but its juz not the same.. no bingo and stuff...

watched mona lisa smile wif sh and sq... wonderful show to mi... sq almost fell aslp in the middle of the movie tho... said it was boring... haha.. there was this guy that wore huge specs and made us laugh when he kissed a girl cos he looked so much like bk and imagine bk kissing... UGH :P



mi spent new year's eve wif pem... went to orchard and had fun shopping... met up wif ting at my place... she cant make it in time for the countdown so we called her when its time to and shouted the 'TEN,NINE.... ONE!' into the phone... if onli sam's here :( but it was still a great nite... played the 'universal love' mv for thousands of times and juz jumped and danced around :P felt like i ran miles when we finished~ we learned the universal love dance! wahaha... feel so accomplished when i mastered all the steps... wahaha... even tho im a bit slower than them... HEE...



went shopping wif mom and dad and lil sis yest... love my family loads realli... thank God for that :) we bought a new carpet to replace the old one... i got new clothes and a skirt i love SO much... wanted to get new comforters for my bedroom but its getting dark and we had to head home for my stupid bro... he wanted to take dinner wif us... hee...



wrote a new song today... almost made mi cry! wahahah...

wu ge ren xing zou...