sth's wrong with me.

cant say i didnt try to contain my emotions

i did.

for a year

two years.

but all these pent up frustrations become too heavy for mi to bear

i may always try to smile

try to clown around

try to pretend that im the happiest girl in the world

but its not from the heart

its forced out

deliberate.

all the tears come at night

when im alone

when nobody noes.

but now i cant hide

no longer

its a great torture

to take the pain

alone

to suppress everything

within mi

to smile when im crying

inside

today,

i told sumone how i felt

first time in these 2 yrs

i let out all thats kept inside

and once i finished typing all that on the hp

i cldnt help it

but break down

right in front of you

but you were too busy

ignoring mi

enjoying urself

that you din notice.



i cant help the mood swings

i cant ignore all that im feeling

after these months of faking cheerfulness

pretending that i dun notice

smiling thru everything

i've got to let it out

b4 it kills mi.

but yet i noe

you still want mi as a fren

its juz that

you love urself far more than you love others.

ur insensitivity is suffocating.



i cant go on like this.



a big fat thanx to angeline koh

who treats me seriously when i want to be treated seriously

unlike you.

who dun treat wat im gg thru like a joke

unlike you.

who's always there when i needed sumone

unlike you.



i miss pem.



from now on

i cant summon any more energy to paste a smile on my face

when i feel like crying

but given your dense-ness and insensitivity

its not surprising even if you dun realise that im crying

right in front of u.

satisfied my craving for k box this morning together with geok, joseph and alvin

and gosh, was it indeed satisfying!

wahahaha

its practically the FIRST time i came out of that place without a sore throat.

and its pleasing to find out that my voice improved together wif geok's

*grins*

its shocking to noe that joseph actualli sings wif his diaphragm

he can reach notes that i have to strain really hard to reach

and he's a GUY (like DUH)

its more shocking to noe that alvin can reach realli high notes

given that bass voice he always sing in

so, yeah.

its amazing.



satisfied my hunger for neoprints rite after that wif the same bunch

it was a hilarious process

LOL.

*screams* BANANA!

WAHAHA.



had a chance to have a good chat wif geok after that.

*grins*

thank God for that.

sang her my new song!

and OF COS she said its nice.

wahahahah

:P

*beams*



and i finally got my hair cut!

i was realli determined to keep my fringe realli short this time

so that it wun irritate my eyes

but that hairdresser thot i would look better in another style

so i gave in

and now i got half of my fringe short and another half at the original length

if anyone dare to ask mi if i burnt my fringe

i'll kill u.



geok got this realli nice cut

she's got the double fringe she've always wanted

and thus, she insisted that i blog abt how nice it is.

wahaha...

congrats girl.

u can finally look good after so many years.

WAHAHA.

:P



thank God for today

had a great time :)

off to bed for now

tooooodles.

satisfied my craving for k box, neoprints AND a haircut all at once today

*grins*



thanks to geok,alvin and joseph for that great k box session

its the first time i came out of that place without a sore throat and a soft yet distinct voice running in my head, saying 'suying cant sing at all.'

its pleasing to find out that my voice improved together wif geok's

it practically made my day :)

*beams*

its shocking to find out that joseph sings with his diaphragm

he can reach notes that i have to strain realli hard to reach

and he's a GUY (like DUH)

its more than shocking to find out that alvin can reach realli high notes

given that realli deep bass voice that he always sing in

so yeah.

its amazing.



the neoprint taking process

one word

HILARIOUS.

*screams* BANANA!

WAHAHA.



finally fulfilled my wish to get my hair cut

i dunno if i like my new haircut tho

half of my fringe now is super short

the other half remains the original length

if anyone dare to ask if i burnt my fringe

i'll KILL u.



geok got a realli nice cut tho

finally got that double fringe she've always wanted

and thus, she insisted that i blog abt how nice it is

congrats girl!

you can finally look good after so many years.

WAHAHA.



got a chance to have a good chat with geok

we certainly had a lot of catching up to do

thank God for this talk

i sang her my new song

and OF COS she said it was good

WAHAHA.

SUYING ROCKS. :P



thank God for today

had a great time :)

time for bed now

tooooobles.

i had a two hours break in between my lessons today

planned to finsh the maths prelim paper and the incomplete lectures

my achievement for that 2 hours: i wrote a song.

'so am i worried that im not meeting expectations?' you ask.

NOPE

im darn proud of myself

*grins*

*shrugs* hey its a nice song.

even shiqi and rahel say so :)

ignore the minor detail that i forced them to.



i was surprised at myself when i agreed to go to the optional gothic lecture this evening

its optional, and it starts at SEVEN

which means i'll miss singapore idol

but oh well, i still stayed

and shiqi and i spent like 15 mins waiting outside LT2 for the class to start

only to find out then that the lec is changed to the bridge

GRRRR.

so guess wat?

we din go in the end.

wahaha.

can you believe it?

we stayed like 4hrs for that thing

and we din turn up in the end.

thats us for you.

:P



we walked home from school today.

first time in the one year and a half in pj that i walked home from school

it felt good to walk in the cool night breeze

finally decided to stop hiding wat i've been feeling for so long and told shiqi.

hur hur.

that prolly added to the goodness.

it felt like a huge load off my mind.



i hate hypocrites

but i cant help but suspect

that im one too.



thank God for today

thank God for that song :)



off to watch the voting for singapore idol

toodles for now :)

sighs.

its confirmed.

im crazy.

*bursts into tears* sniff sniff.

that final fantasy music in yu's blog is saddening



pem

i realli realli realli miss all of you

even ting, whom i always see in sch

its scary how time flies isnt it

its scary how people change

its scary how your environment changes you

not that my life's terrible now

but its juz not right

i wan to go back

to when we used to play together in primary sch

when we used to clown around in public

when we were childish enough to spend a day Q-ing up for F4

when we didnt care wat people thot of us juz as long as we r one

when we would sing together as we roam clark quay

when we always had time for one another

when we were kids.



its juz one of those days

when you look back and realize

you'll nv experience the happiness you've once had anymore

you realize that

life's harder as you move on

'if onli i can stop time.'

i've heard myself say that so many times

im sick of it.



ariel chng siew yuuuu

hang on to ur faith even when it seems to you that God's not with you

and always remember

He'll always there.

all the best to you my fren :)

and hey

i miss you.



i always thank God for my wealth of friends

but sumhow

i honestly feel alone.

alone as in all by myself

just mi alone.

YES.

i survived the Lit mock exam.

my tgost script contains nothing but crap like : 'velutha left no footprints in the sand and thus, he has no identity.'

WAHAHA.

you can tell how much i love the God of small things



its yet another sakae day!

hur hur...

and we found out that it pays to go there early

thats when all the good food is available on the belt.

was 'walking down memory lane' with shiqi

wahaha...

fun fun fun.



i met joey for dinner today.

im surprised at how well we can get along after so long.

im surprised at how much i missed her.

yen yen cldnt make it :(

had to do OT.

bummer.



yay, mi and elphia finished our presentation for the cell grp today :)

and it went well

thank God!

hur hur...

and right after we finish sharing abt how christians shld b contented,

i asked my mum for a raise in allowance.

-____-'''

*ashamed*



after today

im broke.

SOBS.

but hey geok,

im still on for k box tml if you realli want it :D

*grins*

i'll be meeting joey and yen yen this sat for pizza~

*grins*

cant wait to see them again and relive the old times at work

wahaha...



seehong wanted to come late today like jennee

but she came as per normal to keep mi company

:D

thanx twinnie.



yups, changed my skin to this cliche forever frens bear looking all sweet and pinkish

and i put on this sakura songy that says abt friendship and dreams and all

so...

pemers dear,

we all noe its coming true

ting's gotta go, be it to aussie or HK

and we're all worried that this is it

the end.

but NOPE.

thats not gonna happen

we'll hold on together yesh?

and we'll wait till ting comes back

we'll wait till we all have time for recordings

for ktv

for sleepovers

for hours of crapping and fun

and we'll see that

nothing ever changes.



three cheers for pem :)

we rock.