i thot i wun live to see this day.
but i did.
exams should be illegal.

thank God for bringing me through the past two days.
its really Him that brought me through.
God is love :)

joke of the year:
to kill a Hocking bird.
WAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA.
credits to faith's hilarious friend~
SO FARNIE CAN!!!

'a' levels results coming out tml.
really hope shiqi and rahel do well.
they suffered enough in peejay to deserve triple As.
twinie and me are gg over to surprise them w flowers :)
i hope i wun see bk eh.

tingy is baaaack :)

today is a bad bad day.
it didnt start out too badly actually.
but me and faith got into sort of a disagreement with Dr. Hocking after interpersonal comms.
then it start to go down, DOWN, and DOWNER.

sad incident # 1
okay, see, Dr. Hocking is american,
and this is the first time he ever taught in an Asian culture.
so i guess he's quite oblivious to the education culture in singapore.
and he went on to teach in a totally americanish way.
like he wants class discussions and tried to achieve that by staring at us for five minutes without speaking, hoping that one of us will initiate a discussion.
but singaporeans are just not used to such stuff, so nobody spoke and the silence was truly deafening.
and thats just one of the many many many evidences that can prove he's all american.
so, yeah, he's all american.
hence, faith tried to tell him we need time to adjust to such a dramatic change in learning and hope he'll try to understand our culture and we can meet halfway.
then he started getting a little hostile.
like as if he thot we meant the comment as a personal attack on his teaching methods.
and he start to look at us sternly in the eye and said that we're just saying that because we did not do consistent work and just downright insisted that watever we say have no value.
there are some truth in the fact that we didnt study consistently but this have no link at all to watever we were discussing!
sighs.
as communication students and lecturer, we failed terrible at communicating.
i think me and faith didnt explain wat we truly feel in precision, but if he tried to listen and didnt let things get personal, he would have at least understood it briefly.
but oh well, im pretty proud of me and faithy.
because we still remained respectful and listened to wat he have to say.

and now we're truly worried abt our grades.
because he looked like the sort who bear grudges.

we started to compare him to gaylene afterwards.
and gosh, we realized how wonderful a lecturer she is.
she wants us to think, to voice all our opinions, regardless of whether its wat she wants to hear or not.
she's open to all sorts of new ideas and isnt too prideful to admit mistakes.
she made us love ugc despite the heavy content.
we are so in love w gaylene~!
wahaha.

sad incident #2
i wanted my brother to stop playing on the pc because i feel he's doing it in excess and its really unhealthy to be addicted.
but he says im just doing it on purpose, to stop him from doin wat he wants, to be anal.
i tried to defend myself and told him how i think its unhealthy.
and he actually didnt think it is.
he doesnt see anything wrong w dedicating all his free time to video games.
he doesnt see how it's getting in the way of the r/s btwn him and God.
he doesnt see how it gives him a fiery temper.
and he refused to let me use the pc because he thinks his game is more impt than the notes that i need to print.

i really hope he can stop being cynical,
and start to see that sometimes people do sth, they do it not for their own gains.
they do it out of love.

i miss the pemers a lot a lot.
we'll be complete on the 25th.
curse or blessing?
we'll find out in due course.

i sincerely hate Gerald R. Miller and Mark Steinburg.
spent three hours on the stupid book that they wrote,
and now im kinda in a daze.
the kind of daze that gives you a very stoned look
the kind of daze that makes pple worry and ask you if you're gg to faint.
i think its safe to conclude that its hazardous to the brain.
*hollers* DOWN WITH INTERPERSONAL COMMUNICATION.

received a msg from wini darling after band prac yest that made me feel v loved.
its such things that differentiate my brothers and sisters from others.
its the sincerity that they have that makes it different.
no motives, no politics...
i love it~!

my skin's getting bad eh.
its peeling and getting all red and blotchy.
got all sorts of advice on it:
"use lotion!"
"sleep earlier!"
"eat more veggies" (from my mumsy obviously)
"change your facial foam!"
"see doctor!"
...
i dont know wat to do now.
grrr.

my sister is sitting next to me now.
and she's being extremely irritating.
ouch, she just hit me on the arm.
thrice.
no, four times.
sighs.
its not easy being bullied by your siblings.
*sniff sniff*
i feel so abused.

was going through twinie's blog archives yesterday.
was really interesting to re-read the old posts.
was like walking down memory lane :)

and so i came back to my own blog and started reading my own archives.
and saw how much i've grown emotionally and spiritually.
from a kid to a grown up.
well, not really a grown up, i still have loads to learn to be an adult.
but still.
the changes are pretty obvious.

there's one thing that didn't change though:
taken from one of my posts in May 2004,

A GIRLY-GIRL. You dont have a lot of self-esteem
and people are always bringing you down for
being sad. What do they know, anyway? You feel
like youre too mature for your age and are
frustrated by the trend-followers who refuse to
accept you because youre not like them.
Your virtues: Intelligence, understanding nature,
modesty.

Your flaws: Lack of social life, inferiority
complex, timidity..



You might like this game, but maybe it's not your
thing. Take a look anyway if you are
curious:

www.life-blood.vze.com


What kind of girl are you?
brought to you by Quizilla

i totally forgot that i ever took this quiz.
i don't remember how i felt about wat it says about me in may 2004.
but yesterday, the moment i read it, i went like "GOSH ITS SO TRUE!"
haha.
and i truly think it is!
from then till today, this is the girl i always am.
always refusing to mingle and mix with others.
always determined to keep to myself and live in my own world.
because im pretty sure not many out there will truly love me for who i am.
and im always sensitive to the motives people have when they talk to me.
very cynical, i know.
but i hate to entertain people whom i know wants to befriend me not because they want to know me better but because they want sth out of me.
like, when they are alone and need company or sth.
being nice only when they need me.
when i call you my friend, i put my heart into the r/s.
i love you, like a friend should.
i just cant to stoop down to their level and be hypocritical.
i just cant be like them, treat them as friends only when i need them, and have friendships that are totally superficial.
and i just cant love someone who befriends me only because they can reap benefits from me.
so i'll just stay away from these people.
i'd rather be alone.
all i need is earphones in my ears, and i wun even realize that im alone.
music's my best fren :)
it was and it still is.

yeaps.
so now, the number of friends i have is just a fraction of the number of friends a typical 19 year old girl will have.
but i can proudly say that they're my friends because they love me as a friend, not because they want sth out of me.

these are the friends im proud to have~

i've changed my blogskin again.
yesh, yet again.
the previous skin's really impractical.
i had to strain my eyes to read the semi-transparent words.
so...
here it is, my new skin.

---

yesterday was v day~
and it was happee happee :)
faithy and gang surprised me with these:


and even though these stuff cost practically nothing,
i feel so loved.
and am very thankful to have friends like them.
friends who care.

looking back from where i am now,
im really thankful to see that God has given me so many wonderful people in my life.
people who never fails to surprise me every valentine's day.
people who care :)

i remember eons ago in kss, yu gave me bookmark for v day.
it wasnt a big thing then.
but God let it stay on my mind,
because He knows that i will look back one day,
and be thankful for a friend like yu.
and today's the day :)

i remember not so long ago in peejay, slk exchanged valentine prezzies.
it just seemed fun at that time and realli wasnt a big deal.
but God let it stay on my mind,
because He knows that i will look back one day,
and be thankful for friends like them.
and today's the day :)

looking back made me think of slk.
the sunflowers twin and SQ bought for me and rahel on OC :)
all of our one-for-each exchange gifts :)
the candies SQ and rahel bought for me and twinie on the results day :)
the breakfasts we prepared for each other :)
i see so much love in everything that they ever gave me.
thanx darlings *hugs*.

maybe cos i've nv been in a r/s,
i really dont see why all other bachelorettes feel lonely on v day.
i mean, love don't only exist btwn couples!
love's everywhere, among friends and family.
and it'll be really sad if they never do realize that.
im saying this cos i read twinie's blog.
and she said she's jealous of all the couples out there!
grrrr.
you still have me twinie!
and SQ and rahel!
be contented can?!
some people dun even have friends!
wahaha.
so what im asking you to do is...
cheer up!~
your prince charming will come to you one day on his handsome steed.
and its slk's responsibility to keep you happy till he gets here.
so that the moment he gets near, he'll see your purty smile,
and tell himself that you're the one :)

the time now is 2.45am.
just finished the stupid UCG journals.
was really tired while i was typing them.
head was throbbing badly.
but now that im done with them.
i dun feel that sleepy anymore.
head's still aching but my eyelids dun feel as heavy as b4.
working's really not my thing eh.
for me, work time = zzz time.
grr.
lazy bum.

---

a big fat thank you for all the darlings who showered me with love this vday. and a huge, gigantic, humongous sorry to melisa, jiayi and joanne for getting nothing for you guys. im so sorry! i got cards only for faith, maria and sang cos i didnt expected prezzies from you guys! SO, i had decided redeem myself by getting you pple a little belated v day gift. i have to honest, its cheap. SUPER DUPER CHEAP. but still, its cute okay! its the thot that counts yes?! yup. shall give it to you guys tml during lecture :)

---

okay, now im tired.
gg to zZZzZZZzZZzzzz before the sleepiness escapes again.
nites~!

i hate to feel nostalgic. it leaves me so helpless, unwilling to move on yet unable to move back.

has been long since the last time i had a heart to heart talk with my best friend. and im truly thankful for the time we had yesterday to sit down and just chat about watever that come to our minds. felt just like old times.

i was wrong in my previous post. she feels wat i've been feeling for weeks. she is sensitive to the changes around us. and she can sense problems coming our way. the fact that she isnt being indifferent and apathetic makes me happier than i've been in the past few weeks. she does worry about us and all the external factors that are tearing us apart. i dont know abt the others but at least she understands how i feel. and how awful it is to be feeling like that.

we couldnt come up with any solution for the problems ahead. wat can be done and shld be done, we've all did, but everything still remains as it is -- worsening as time passes. but im no longer feeling all dark and gloomy inside. because she cares :) knowing this is quite enough. how everything will turn out is entirely up to my dear Heavenly Father. and by faith, i shall trust that He'll continue leading and sheltering us from the world.

---

trusted God a lot today.
and He showed me that He is faithful,
and led me through this day.
thankful thankful~ :)

---

ling and her friends are over baking valentine cookies for their classmates. smells so yummy, i cant wait for the cookies to bake and ate some of the cookie dough. shall see if they have any extras for me to bring to school tml for sharing. its realli yummy yummy :)

---

exams coming in 2 weeks.
time to get busy.

---

faithy brought her laptop to sch today. it realli saved us from loads of writing and extremely sore wrists. we shld definitely do that more often.

---

matthew boy just arrived :)
gg to play w him now~
cheerios!

finally found this song after years of searching.
i love it beyond what words can describe.
because it reminds me of the joy that the Lord granted us,
the brightest smile i ever saw on my sister,
the start of her new life,
which brought matthew and jeanette into this world,
who bring so much joy and laughter into my family.

Her wedding song,
the song that brings back fond memories,
the song that nv fails to touch my heart over and over again everytime i hear it,
the song that nv fails to bring tears to my eyes,
I Will Be Here performed by Steven Curtis Chapman.

---

_I Will Be Here - Steven Curtis Chapman_

Tomorrow morning if you wake up
and the sun does not appear
I, I will be here.

If in the dark we lose sight of love
Hold my hand and have no fear
'Cause I, I will be here.

I will be here
when you feel like being quiet
When you need to speak your mind
I will listen
And I will be here
when the laughter turns to crying
Through the winning, losing and trying,
we'll be together
'Cause I will be here.

Tomorrow morning if you wake up
and the future is unclear
I, I will be here

As sure as seasons are made for change
Our lifetimes are made for years
So I, I will be here

I will be here,
you can cry on my shoulder
When the mirror tells us we're older
I will hold you
And I will be here
to watch you grow in beauty
And tell you all the things you are to me
I will be here

I will be true to the promise I have made
To you and to the One who gave you to me
I will be here

And just as sure as seasons are made for change
Our lifetimes are made for years
So I, I will be here,
we'll be together

I will be here.

---

searched hard for a blogskin that fits this song.
one that can bring out how beautiful this song is.
this isnt the best.
but i hope it helps you to see why this song shld be loved and appreciated.

---

it'll be my wedding song too, if i ever do get married :)

had a long talk w maria today.
truly encouraged by her strong faith :)
we shared loads of similar views towards lots of stuff.
in the middle of our conversation, sth amazing happened.
this middle aged lady walked up to us and said she didnt mean to eavesdrop (which she obviously did) but she's very thankful for how the Lord has worked in our hearts or sth like that.
so she said she felt that God wanted her to tell us to read verse Psalm 20:4.
then she said "may God bless you" and left the 2 of us there.
i stoned for quite a while after her departure.
i mean, like, wow, i dont get strangers coming up to me everyday, asking me to read some verse in the Bible.
this is the first time, in fact.
i cant decipher how i feel abt this.
kinda weirded out but then again...
grrr, i dont know.

Psalm 20:4 "May He grant you your heart's desire and fulfill all your plans!"

---






had a fun time taking photos w faith in the sch photo booth.
yeaps, the kind of photo taking booths that we go to take passport size photos in.
had a hard time cramming into that stupid small space w faith.
had an even harder time trying to understand how that ancient machine works.
we only found out it takes 4 diff shots when the flash went off for the 3rd time.
so we looked super blur in the first 2 shots.
but the last 2 were pretty cute :)
so we used those 2 on our UGC student information sheet and handed them up to gaylene.
haha.
cant imagine wat she'll say to our stupid facial expressions.
we were like grinning our heads off.
haha.
FUN~

i think i see our problem.
shifting priorities, that's wats thats killing us.
multi-tasking is sth we're all not good at.

---

was reminded of the times in school.
life was much simpler then.
we were frank.
we were sensitive to changes.
unlike now,
where we smile through changes
and think everything is still as it was before.

or maybe we do realize things arent how they used to be,
but just cldnt be bothered to care about the past.
so we shall just venture forth with no sense of belonging, no roots.
all the way till we age and die.
without learning how to love and cherish.

humans are such foolish creatures.

---

i see everyone around me embracing the changes God put in their lives.
i want to be like them.
its the challenge that God wants me to face.
and i will face it.
i will overcome it.
for His glory.

---

i dislike changes.
you made me dislike changes.

i do not like the new you.

i miss you.

it was a happee chinese new year :)
on the surface at least.
not that im feeling really bad inside.
but still...
sth's not quite right.

spent loads of quality time w the wahs :)
my family, in other words.
i love every minute i spend w them.
even when we hang out in stupid places like chinatown.
i love it.
i used to hate gg out w them tho.
was convinced it will be boring and just kept sulking till we got home.
but God put love in my heart.
and helped me see how much i truly love them deep within me.
it was Him that made this family happy.
He is our joy and our peace :)
thank You thank You Father!
muacks! :)

spent time w my best friends :)
im really thankful we could all still bother to find time to meet up.
but then everytime we do, i notice...
the conversations get shorter and shorter.
the content gets thinner and thinner.
in a rate that's scaring me.
maybe i over-expected.
i hope i over-expected.

took a zillion photos during CNY :)
including a truly ugly one of me and sam.
it's the ugliest photo that i've ever taken. deliberately.
BUT I LOVE IT.
i love it i love it i love it~!
wahahahahaaha.
its truly funny!

pem took a photo w my mummy and papa, matt and jeanette girl :)
pem also took 98743629835461 photos w matthew boy alone.
they're v close to founding the matthew boy official fan club.
and no doubt that if that happens, sammie will be the president.

im spending $$ as fast as the mint prints them.
self control~ i need to practise self control.
before i get my daddeeeee bankrupt.

*yawns*
getting v tired.
shall go zzzzz.
adios~