today's the beginning of the best weekend in my life =)

sleeping over with pem tml

and we'll b heading for sentosa on the next day for sum bonding and funnnnn

note that when i say PEM, i MEAN PEM

pem = sam "dear", cute lil mi, *yuck* ting, *double yuck* geline and *PUKE* geok

ALL OF US

no more no less

ALL

wat else can b more wonderful than that?



i have so much to thank God for

the sleepover and sentosa trip was originalli set on fri and sat

but sam cant make it on sat afternoon

so we changed the date to sat and sun

and then, coincidentally, kit wan msged mi today to tell mi that there'll b a choir meeting tml

so, if we din change the date of the trip, i cant make it

THANK GOD =)

every pemer can make it to the trip

THANK GOD

every pemer is looking forward to the trip

THANK GOD

we managed to buy all the stuff we need by today: 5 pink lunchboxes, 5 set of pink utensils, 5 pink towels, fabric paint to draw the pem logo on the towels that comes in 5 diff colours =D *thanks to geline whu bought them all and thanks to geok whu helped her with the carrying =)*

wahahaha

we'll nv grow up yes?

and thats the way we like it

THANK GOD =)

church tml

THANK GOD =)

CT's over

THANK GOD =D

i got to spend a little time with big sister today =)

the Lord provides.



went to the bookstore with da- jie and momsy and ting and found a book of names so we started looking through it to c if there're any good names for my future nephew =)

then we saw this name ABBA which means father in sum weird language

we spent quite sum time laughing at that

WHU WILL CALL THEIR SON A NAME THAT MEANS FATHER?!?!

WEIRD...

wahaha



im juz informed that im in charge of see hong's breakfast on monday

*cackles* REVENGE!

wahahaha...



blessings blessings blessingsss

may the Lord be with you too =)

pemers i love you guys

SLK rox too =)

my family's wonderful

my star's shining bright

thank God =D

hey geok

i dunno if there will realli b less fun if you joined us during talent nite

but i noe that we all wished so hard that you were here =)

realli!

geline was like "where geok???"

and when this girl went up to sing yi ge ren sheng huo, we were like "if onli geok lan was here!"

and another girl went up to sing a world new world and we were like "sighs, she shld've came!"

wahaha...

hey

we bumped into each other after sermon that day

i chickened and juz stoned

hee

doesnt mean i dun wanna tok to you k?

i was..

a chicken

wahaha...

got scared =S



sam dear

im sorry there wasnt a bday celerbration for you =(

sum frens we are, yes i noe

sorri =(

i realli hope to c you soon!



went to westmall for awhile yest

I SAW KUNDA!!! *SHRIEKS*

sweet joey queued up for mi and got their fingerprints on my cd =)

i missed her so much

and YEN YEN IS GETTING MARRIED!!!!

wahaha

she'll look dazzling in her wedding gown =)



rahel hurt her back or sth

pray for her ya?

it sounds serious =(



time to hit the books =|

cant wait for recording after CT

today was realli happening =)

so much happened such that gp exams felt like yesterday

mi's realli glad that gp's over

the Lord provides realli

thank God



talent nite was a blast

the whole LT was like bursting with enthusiasm =D

john clem and mike were GOOD

realli realli good

cam's band was realli impressive too =D

the biggest winner turned out to b a02

*grins*



zooms into geline's performance

she did pem proud

it was so sweet of her to dedicate the song to pem =D

the first part of her performance went so smoothly

sumhow it realli touched mi to c her performing onstage

tears cldnt help flowing

she was so nervous and inconfident before the performance!

but the moment she stepped onstage she juz shone so bright

then the big technical problem sets in

she muz have felt scared

but she continued her song

so brave, she was

and i respect her for that courage to continue with the performance and still tried her best even tho the music screwed up

not many of us can do that

i noe i cant

my dear dear fren

she grew up wif mi

im so proud of her

tears cldnt help flowing

her bravery and wonderful performance earned her a standing ovation =)

you're truly a star

go pemers

we're all stars =)



quah quah

im sorry you cldnt make it!

wished you were here realli!

geline was great =D

she done us all proud



thank God for being with pem =D

God's plan falls into place so nicely

thank the Lord for SLK

tha talk we had was...

great

everything i thot, everything that i kept to myself

the atmosphere was so apt

i told it all

and i feel the stress dissolving, giving way to a new found hope and a resurrected passion that i lost so long ago

we know each other for no more than a year

but so well we noe each other

it is comforting that you guys can understand how i feel towards life and everything else

my Father in Heaven walks with mi

and He led you to mi

thank God that our paths crossed



laughter is a powerful weapon against any negativity =)

and its the onli thing i get when i hang out with SLK

^___________^



geline's gg to sing solo onstage tml!

i cant wait =)

all the best for ur performance girl!



*grins*

thank Lord for everything.

waiting for the stars to shine again

im waiting for the stars to shine

again



there's a song i miss so much

precious memories

it brings

together with tears

i miss PM

i miss the times we study together

so close.

we were so close

we were.



Hi no Ataru Sakamichi



Kisetsu hazure no kaze ga hakobu omoi

Natsukashii egao no kimi wa tooi machi

Takaramono dato yoberu mono wa nani hitotsu mo

Mitsukerarenai mama otona ni natte yuku



Nanimo kamo ga zenbu kono mama ja

Owarenai



Daremo ga itsuka koeru sakamichi sono saki ni wa

Marude ano hi no sugao no mama no bokura ga iru

Toomawari demo kanarazu tadori tsukeru

Kitto kitto itsuka



Kawatteku mono kawaranai mono mo

Fueru keredo hitotsu hitotsu ga

Tada ito oshiku omoeru



Omoi dashite togirete ita merodii

Mune ni sotto



Modorenai michi furikaeru tabi tachi tomatte shimau yo

Kanashimi no doa o warai tobashite kowaseru nara

Mou mayozu ni massugu aruite yukou

Zutto zutto kimi to



Daremo ga itsuka koeru sakamichi sono saki ni wa

Marude ano hi no sugao no mama no bokura ga iru

Toomawari demo kanarazu tadori tsukeru

Kitto kitto itsuka



English translation



This season is almost past, the wind brings back..

These feelings

I miss your smile, you're so far away



Treasured and called for, what one thing..

Will I never be able to find

To become an adult



Anything and everything, all this

Will never end



Someday everyone passes through the hill road

When they get to this point

That day, we were completely honest

Taking a detour, yet if we struggle we'll get there

Someday, without fail



Various and unchanging things keep increasing

One by one, however

It seems that you're my only love



I'll remember this broken melody

Secretly in my heart!!



Looking over my shoulder, I can't go back

Time and time again, I stop

If I can break down the door of sadness

And laugh

I'll be faced with another puzzle, let's walk ahead

Forever, forever with you



Someday everyone passes through the hill road

When they get to this point

That day, we were completely honest

Taking a detour, yet if we struggle we'll get there

Someday, without fail



sunshine slope

i'll find me at the other side

no matter how much it takes

i'll get there

read ur blog =)

i still care ya?

God put us thru this for a purpose

we shall learn the lesson together yes?



"waiting for the stars to shine again"

mine's starting to light up already

God's wif mi =D



geline bought the our talent nite tickets today

its $3 per person so make sure u guys pay her back k? =)

part of mi doesnt want friday to cum bcos that means gp exam will cum

but part of mi is wishing that friday will cum rite away becos i cant wait to hear geline onstage

*excited grin*



quite a no. of my juniors arent staying

im gg to miss them so much



hmmm..

to see hong, the very very best twin in the world wide world

i juz fin reading ur blog

yes i felt so connected to you too

and yes i wanna hold you and tell you how much you brightened up my life

its God whu brought us together

and when i realli needed sumone to listen

He sent you

the Lord provides =)



shiqi

dun worry

like see hong said, we all care

b strong and trust the Lord

He will lead you

the Lord provides =)

juz have faith and be strong

we'll always b there to listen if you need us

be strong



i absolutely c the need in telling the world wide world:

see hong, shiqi and rahel are great frens

they stick to you thru happy and hard times

our friendship is short

but thru so many things i c the sincere love we feel for each other

thanx so much dear frens



thank God

i noe i wasnt supposed to read it

but i glanced thru a few lines of it



=(

during this period of time

i cld onli c how much i gave in and sacrificed

ur mentioning of how much u had to suppress ur feelings softened mi

i noe we werent great frens to u when you were sad abt ur i/c and stuff

i think this boils to the way we handles things once again

when i sat down to talk to geline abt this , she kept trying to clown around and joke and to change the topic

it realli irritated mi becos i WANTED to talk abt it

but i c the effort in her

she doesnt realise that i wanna talk abt it

all she noe is that im unhappy due to this and she is trying her best to help mi forget it

we all have very different solutions to problems and very different ways of interpreting stuff

but we all have good intentions

and thats wat realli matters isnt it?

gg back to the content of ur blog

*im saying this not to put blame on anyone but i realli wanna let you guys noe how i feel*

you wasnt the onli one whu had to smile when you dun wan to

many a time i put myself in ur *ur as in all members of pem, not onli u* shoes, and thot for all of u

i kept my problems and the feeling of being left out to myself, giving u guys bright smiles so as not to dampen ur happiness

im sorri i nv thot that you cld b giving too

sometimes things get so hard that my feelings cant b put away and suppressed anymore

it happens to you too doesnt it?

im saying this juz to let u noe that u are not the onli one whu had to sacrifice and so arent i the onli one

ting and sam and geline muz have thot for us and gave all of themselves to help us when we needed help

so mayb its time we *we as in all of us, not onli mi and geok* start to realize that we r not the onli pple trying to hold pem together

everyone's trying



the sermon at church yesterday was like custom made juz for us, dun you feel, geok? =)

i realli had to thank God when i saw wat the message was abt

its something tat we need to have in order to solve this prob once and for all

To be like Christ

it isnt easy

but with God

we can =)



and geok

im tempted to read the rest of ur blog!

can i pls? =P

i wanna noe how u feel

the anger is not in mi anymore

thank God



i told geline i wanna quit pem

i have been thinking abt it mths ago *i was realli gg thru hard times then* but this quarrel realli triggered this thot

she told mi off

she said pem is not onli abt mi and mi and mi

quiting pem has everything to do with each and everyone of you

when sam thot of giving up the dream, i called her selfish *i no longer think so sam, dun worry!*

but i cant c that the moment i think of leaving, im being extra selfish too

geline opened my eyes

and i can c it now =)

thank God



there are so many more that we have to learn

lets all try together

To be like Christ



the Lord provides =D

thanx to joel tan jun wei whu was so sweet =)

juz asking if im alrite shows that you care

thanx so much

it realli touched mi =D

realli

thanx so much



pray that shiqi will b fine



congrats to ting and geok and geline, for ur wonderful results =)

i got a five =(

but God's there for mi

the new system dun require chinese grades =)

thank God

realli

we had sort of like a farewell party for our chinese teacher today

we sang fen shou kuai le

john clem and mike sang too

lin lao shi cried when we sang her the song

we cried too

she told us wat she felt abt each and everyone of us



i'll miss her so much

i wanna thank see hong, my wonderful twin, for being there to listen

i told you stuff that i nv ever tell anyone in my life

and you listened and understood mi

thanx so much

realli



i wanna thank siew yu for that phone call, for the encouragements, for the sweets u bought mi

it was realli sweet

realli

thanx



thanx to shiqi and esther whu made mi laugh so much today



thanx to jonathan for the pic msg



thanx to john for worrying



thank God for these pple whu showed mi care and concern when i need them the most =)

i dun get everything that u r trying to say

it seems to mi that you dun get wat im trying to say too



the pt is that:

dun assume i wan to leave you out unless i said it rite in front of u

i nv had the thot of trying to stop u from learning anything of speed's

if it was the choosing of songs to record that made you think so, u r very much mistaken

i kept rejecting the speed songs geline suggusted bcos i thot u will not b interested in sth that seems to b memories of onli eternity and that will make u feel left out

so i reject the speed songs

you always give mi a feeling that u dun like us to mention speed cos its sth that we liked as eternity

when geline and i was watching the vcd for the first time, i suggusted pem recording white love but geline says no cos she feels that this is sth eternity shares and she dun wanna break that memory

wat makes mi unhappy is that you seems to b extremely biased against mi

everything geline does wrong can b forgiven but every little thing i do wrong, i have to b condemned

thats y i nv confide in you

bcos ur actions make mi feel that you will end up judging mi instead of helping mi overcome my sins

that will onli push mi deeper down into confusion and sorrow

so i nv tell you my probs



is there any wrong to dislike misery?

do you love to live in sorrow?

you say i cant tolerate things

at the way you r speaking thru ur blog

it seems that you r not trying to control ur temper too

so we're even?



i dun complain abt you behind ur back

i try my best to protect u

ask anyone

they'll tell you the truth



you seem to b very upset everytime i say the word sian

its juz an expression to mi

it dun mean that i juz complain and do nothing

it means that im trying so hard to do sth that im realli worn out



you say if i continue like this, i will onli hate you more

but im saying this back to you

if you continure like this, you will onli hate mi more

so we're even?



you ask "y dun u juz buck up and stand up on ur feet n tink abt it rather than lament and get angry with mi"

you seem to b doing the same

so we're even?



you say "if u think i am wrong, u cant b right either"

im saying the same to you

if u think i am wrong, u cant b right either

so we're even?



i realli dun remember being scared to tell geline that i like takuya

i personally asked her and she said she knew long ago that i like takuya and i was nv afraid to tell her



the comment that you all were to occupied with ur books wasnt meant to blame you all

sorry if i cant get the msg across



ur words are hurtful not becos it hurts my pride

its becos im innocent of watever you r accusing mi for doing



i find you very synical of all the stuff i said abt loving

i realli do love

but mayb in the way you c it, im doing it wrongly

everyone has diff ways of doing and expressing things

mayb in terms of that, we r miles apart

we we r wrong in each other's eyes



i din mean to twist wat you meant

to mi, that is realli wat you meant

so its either ur expressing prob or my interpreting prob

its both i suppose



i typed this as calmly as i can

im not asking for a fight

but i need time to cool down

dun b angry if i dun go to you during church this sat

i realli need time

im crying so hard so hard so hard so hard all im asking for is for sumone to understand i need a listener too i cant always give all of myself im human too i need sumone to sympathise wif mi to hear mi to hear how i feel but you all seems so preoccupied with urselves that u dun have the time for mi so i have to bear with my problems and repress them so that i can b cheerful in front of you to relieve you of ur pain



im human too



juz becos im always laughing always acting cute always acting crazy dun mean that i dun have problems dun mean that i dun need a fren dun mean that i can b taken for granted so many things i did for you and now you do this to mi argh



for so long i felt so lonely

i felt alone

whu's there for mi?

i cant c

but God keeps mi gg



you r not helping

at all

is the behaviour of a christian?



my love for you flows with my tears

i read ur blog

and it made mi angry

yes it did



so hurtful. ur words that scream so loudly at mi

whu's the one assuming things now????????????

I DID NOTHING TO DELIBERATELY LEAVE YOU OUT

I DUN HAVE A SINGLE CLUE THAT YOU WERE FEELING LEFT OUT

STOP EXPECTING MI TO ALWAYS NOE HOW YOU FEEL WHEN YOU JUZ SUDDENLY BECUM QUIET AND ALL

I TOLD YOU SO MANY TIMES B4 THAT I CANT TELL HOW YOU FEEL EVERYTIME YOU BEHAVE THAT WAY

YOU NOE HOW WELL THAT I SEE TRASHING THINGS OUT AS THE BEST SOLUTION TO SOLVE PROBLEMS

whu's the one whu doesnt remember stuff?????



lets recall

we were watching the vcd

then yenting went

then i said lets record

and we started choosing songs

geline asked you to choose

and you started showing attitude

and YOU ASK MI TO IMPROVE MI SPIRITUAL LIFE?!?!?!

WHU'S THE ONE WHU CANT CONTROL HER EMOTIONS?!?!

WHU'S THE ONE WHU'S ALWAYS BLAMING EVERYONE BUT HERSELF?!?!?



ARGH!

Y CANT YOU SEE???

WHEN DID I EVER TRY TO LEAVE YOU OUT?!?!?!

I WAS TRYING SO HARD I TELL YOU!

TRYING SO HARD TO INCLUDE YOU!

GELINE AND YENTING WANTED TO WATCH THE VCD

I WAS THE ONE WHU TOLD HER I WAN US TO WATCH IT TOGETHER SO THAT WE CAN HAVE A LITTLE BONDING TIME

I WAS THE ONE WHU ASKED GELINE TO MSG ALL OF YOU

I WAS TRYING MY BEST TO START A CONVERSATION WHILE WE WERE WATCHING THE VCD, WHILE ALL OF YOU WERE PAYING SO MUCH ATTN TO UR BOOKS THAT IT MAKES NO DIFF WHETHER YOU ALL WERE HERE OR NOT

I SAID NO TO ALL THE SONGS GELINE SUGGUSTED TO RECORD THAT YOU R NOT FAMILIAR WITH

AND YOU SAY I LEAVE YOU OUT?!?!?!?!?!?!

AND YOU DARE TO TELL MI IM DETACHED FROM GOD

AND YOU DARE TO ASSUME THAT I NV TRY TO B A GOOD CHRISTIAN!

WHU GAVE YOU THE RITE TO JUDGE MI?!?!?!?!

SINCE WHEN WERE YOU THE ONE WHU DETERMINES HOW GOOD A CHRISTIAN AM I???

DO I REALLI HAVE TO SPEAK OF MY LOVE FOR GOD PUBLICLY ALL THE TIME JUZ TO LET U NOE I LOVE HIM???

Y DO I HAVE TO PROVE TO YOU THAT I LOVE HIM???

IF ITS NOT FOR GOD, I WOULDNT HAVE BOTHERED TRYING NOT TO LEAVE ANYONE OUT AT THAT TIME

IF ITS NOT FOR GOD I WOULD HAVE SCREAMED AT YOU WHEN YOU WERE SHOWING MI ATTITUDE AT THAT TIME BECOS I WAS REALLI VERY IRRITATED!!!!!!

Y CANT YOU C????

Y???

I DID TRY TO THINK IN UR SHOES, IN CASE YOU ASSUMED THAT I DIN



ARGH!

WAT IS THE MATTER WITH YOU?????????

WHY WILL I TRY TO LEAVE YOU OUT ON PURPOSE?!?!??!?!?!?!?!?!



i beg of you

pls stop this

its killing mi!!!!!!!!

realli it is

so many things i feel

how much i tolerated

how suffocated i felt

you nv knew

and now you spit such hurtful words in my face



PLS TRY TO UNDERSTAND!!!!!!!

STOP PUSHING MI!!!!



stop.



stop

i've cum to realise that i have very high expectations

very VERY
high expectations

for the people around mi

for singing

for everything that matters to me

this makes mi disappointed a lot of times

becos reality shows mi that i cant control stuff

and things that i expected usually dun happen

God's will?



pray that i'll be fairer to the people around mi

and onli start being critical of everything when im sure i can do everything as well as i expect others to



so many things that i need to learn

wat rite do i have to expect loads from others?



hmm.. nite.

sometimes

it gets so good

i tear

im touched

so convinced that we can

so convinced by words



other times

it gets so bad

i tear

im unhappy

so convinced that we cant

so convinced by action



if im not mistaken

action speaks louder than words

things are easier said than done



mayb its juz mi

the way i see things

the way i interpret

so

i shld juz go with the flow

rite?

somehow

a loud voice in me screams: NO



im tired of this

realli i am

its always happening

ALWAYS

ALWAYS!




always.



there's a limit to tolerance!



argh nvm

i'll end up being convinced by words once again

and this viscious cycle goes on and on and on and on...



it goes on



so i'll juz stay put here

instead of gg one whole round to find myself lost again



i'll stay here.