pemers,
im so proud of all of you =)
the way we supported each other,
the many times we encouraged one another
made me see why i stuck w you guys for all my life
and still cant get sick of any one of you :)

sorted out my thoughts a little lately
and i saw how God had sheltered me from so much danger.
i am indeed indebted to You =)
You saved me.
You saved my family.
You granted me peace in my heart.
You made me fearless of failures and challenges.
i love You, my dear Heavenly Father.
"I am a princess, because my Father is the King of kings"
*smiles*

i've always tried hard to be a good friend.
but there are times i know i've failed terribly.
times when i let emotions take charge of me.
times when i allow myself to be bias against others.
times when i thought God is not watching.
times when i forgot im a christian.

over and over again, i realize
that everytime i try to achieve anything without depending on my Heavenly Father,
everything will just end up to be in a mess.
when will i learn?!

i hate to be a horrible friend.
i hate to gloat.
i hate to feel proud of myself.
i hate to be lenient with myself.
i hate to justify my sins.

but thats all i seem to be doing.
so sinful.
im so sinful.
but i know my Lord is watching.
and He will help me to become a better person :)
yeaps.

just trust :)
and obey.

i'd love to sit down and write a song now.
but i cant seem to get a decent tune out of my head.

all my previous songs were written when i was really emotional.
ecstatic or grieved or really stressed out.

the last decent song i wrote was the one for tingy when she left s'pore.
that was like months ago.

so that means i dont go through emotional turmoils often now eh.
which should a good thing.
but i dont feel good.
not at all.

i dont think its peaceful stability that im gg thru.
its emptiness that caused the inability to feel.
i dont feel for anything now.
not for music...
not for people...
i just drift through everyday without feeling anything at all.

------------------------------------------------------------------

its time to learn how to love.
my selfishness is becoming so suffocating.

Lord,
help me to lead a God-centered life,
not a self-centered one.
being away from You is killing me!
slowly, yes, but surely.
so please,
hear my prayer,
and draw me close to You.
in Jesus' name i pray,
Amen.

school started for ling and geline today.
usually lingy slept late w me everyday during the hols but today...
i woke up to find no one at home.
brrrr. i felt cold and empty inside when i found out i was alone.
its not a nice feeling.
i don't know wat i have against an empty house but i just dun like being alone at home.
makes me feel sort of lonely.