sth's wrong with me.

cant say i didnt try to contain my emotions

i did.

for a year

two years.

but all these pent up frustrations become too heavy for mi to bear

i may always try to smile

try to clown around

try to pretend that im the happiest girl in the world

but its not from the heart

its forced out

deliberate.

all the tears come at night

when im alone

when nobody noes.

but now i cant hide

no longer

its a great torture

to take the pain

alone

to suppress everything

within mi

to smile when im crying

inside

today,

i told sumone how i felt

first time in these 2 yrs

i let out all thats kept inside

and once i finished typing all that on the hp

i cldnt help it

but break down

right in front of you

but you were too busy

ignoring mi

enjoying urself

that you din notice.



i cant help the mood swings

i cant ignore all that im feeling

after these months of faking cheerfulness

pretending that i dun notice

smiling thru everything

i've got to let it out

b4 it kills mi.

but yet i noe

you still want mi as a fren

its juz that

you love urself far more than you love others.

ur insensitivity is suffocating.



i cant go on like this.



a big fat thanx to angeline koh

who treats me seriously when i want to be treated seriously

unlike you.

who dun treat wat im gg thru like a joke

unlike you.

who's always there when i needed sumone

unlike you.



i miss pem.



from now on

i cant summon any more energy to paste a smile on my face

when i feel like crying

but given your dense-ness and insensitivity

its not surprising even if you dun realise that im crying

right in front of u.