received a message today
that made me both very happy and very sad.

handed up my rp today.
finally :)
so we gave ourselves a self declared break,
and went to sing.
singing seems to have lost its meaning.
the only time i enjoy singing now,
is when im singing praises to God.
other than that,
singing means nothing to me.
not anymore.

i feel kinda trapped.
by myself.
and the rules i force myself to follow.

looked through a lot of clips on speed on youtube.
(they taught me how to dream.)
found a clip on their very last concert during their tokyo dome tour.
their last concert as a group.
they were singing 'starting over'.
eriko cldnt finish her solo parts at one point
because she was crying too hard.

it saddens me to think of us.
how we're breaking apart.

its really time to move on.
in fact,
all of you already did.
in separate ways of course.
and im left behind,
as usual.

i hate it
when i allow myself to wallow in self pity.

i need to learn to be contented again.

i think
i am pms-ing.