it is a great advantage
to be able to express yourself.
not just your happiness,
but also your lack of it.
not just your strengths,
but also your weaknesses.
to do this requires a great sense of security;
you would know that people will understand your plight
when you tell them all that you are thinking,
and know that they wld be willing to offer comfort
in your time of need.

this advantage
i do not have.

so cherish it if you have it.
you dont want to know what wld happen
if you didnt have it.

---

i am exhausted.
i have no energy for you.
any one of you.
no matter how much i love you,
how much i want you to be happy,
i cant entertain/empathize/comfort you.
i cannot.
not now.
i've been trying to make people happy all my life,
gimme a break will you?
gimme a break.
please.

---

i cant make sense of this mess.

while words fail as a means to vent all the negative energy in me,
tears work very well.
i dont agree that it solves nothing.
it solves a lot for me.
not physically of course,
psychologically.
my problem is intangible.
so crying works much better than anything else.

---

yes,
i have a problem.
but i dont want to talk about it.
so even if you read this,
dont ask about it and just pretend nothing is wrong with me.
i'll get along.
i always do.