to lose sth precious
is indeed very painful.
i have underestimated the impact of it,
and overestimated my ability to get over the impact of it.

---

when i was young,
i look at people who are alone
and think to myself "they are not loved."
now,
i look at people who are alone
and realize that they are loved,
so much such that they disregard how others may think,
and feel secured and protected all the same,
by the love that they know their loved ones have for them.
it is by this love that they can be alone and not be lonely.

this doesnt mean that those who lack the courage to be alone are not loved.
it means that they need to learn to be contented,
and stop praying for more love to be showered upon them,
when they already have enough for them to live a strong life.

---

so tired.
of everything.
this is when the reliance on God is complete.


thank God for hard times.